UPDATE: If you're here to read Exit Ramp, my latest short story--well, time's up. To minimize the chance of plagiarism (or perhaps merely to soothe my own suspicious heart), I decided to leave the story up for only a few days. In those few days, I've gotten significant and constructive feedback.
To everyone who's commented, I thank you. To everyone who's given me their input through other channels, I thank you. To everyone who put up with my incessant promotion of this story on Facebook and Twitter, I thank you. I'll stop now.
One last point: if you really want to read Exit Ramp, contact me on Facebook, on Twitter (@ThePontificator), or by leaving a comment here on the blog.
Long live The End.
7 comments:
I'm gonna think about this for a while. Good story.
Very brave to post it publicly. I rarely, if ever, have done that.
Me gusta, Ian.
Mmmm, like it. Though I want to know more. :)
One comment, I winced a bit at the double use of thence in the opening. Otherwise, liked it very much!
Interesting story Ian. The interior monologue felt very King like, especially with the made up words. My only real issue is that the narrator seems, at times, a little too stiff for the story. If he's talking about a man like Otis Umber, although we don't know if there is any relationship between them, I don't know if he's use words like thus and thence etc. There are other times when your word choice is fantastic. Well played sir.
Yay blogs! I'd love to read more of your stuff. My feedback is related to the last comment. If your narrator is going to be so old-school, he probably needs to describe Otis as "pedestrian" or something, so we don't expect him to be an intellectual after we've read the exposition. One other thing is I'd suggest putting all of Otis' thoughts in italics, for continuity.
This is a very intelligent piece you've written!
To all who commented: thank you SO much for your opinions. That's how we writers grow--constructive criticism.
Those of you who commented regarding word choice hit it right on the money, I think. One of my major struggles is correctly using vocabulary to establish character. Writing Exit Ramp, I was so focused on Otis' vocabulary that I ignored the narrator's vocab, almost entirely. That's definitely a kink I'll need to work out.
Once more, thanks to all for your feedback. I really appreciate it!
It's good. I kind of went through it fast since I was thinking it might get kinda scary.
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