Saturday, May 22, 2010

LOST: A Few Pertinent Questions

So my valiant readership must have noticed that I haven't posted in a few days, and here's the explanation: I'm slowly but surely becoming a LOSTie. I know, I know. That ship has almost sailed, no? But I'm partway into Season Two, and I have a whole bunch of burning questions which need to be answered, like, pronto. So...if you have any ideas, comment and let me know.

N.B. The following post will make no sense to the majority of my minute readership, but a small and dedicated minority might understand these questions.

BURNING QUESTION NUMBER 1. Why do the boars always run towards people who invade their space?

I swear, it's happened, like, 4 or 8 or 15 times. Whenever a survivor sees a boar in the jungle, the boar runs right towards the survivor. It doesn't run away. It doesn't get scared. It charges. Now, I'm not an expert in the field of boar psychology, but that's pretty strange to me. Also, the survivor never gets out of the way in time. If I were John Locke, I'd spend less time brooding mysteriously and more time teaching basic dodging skills.

BURNING QUESTION NUMBER 2. What's with Jack's heavy breathing?

Family Guy has raised this point on at least one occasion--Jack is always out of breath. Is he trying to be sultry? Does he have a chronic respiratory dysfunction? Or is his heavy breathing perhaps symbolic of...of something? This question had better be answered soon.

BURNING QUESTION NUMBER 3a. How does everyone find their way around the island so easily?

I mean, there's the caves, and the hatch, and the Black Rock, and Sayid's Honeymoon Suite, do these people keep from getting constantly lost? (Ha. Just got that. Pun. Lost. LOST. Ha. Anyway, where were we?)
Ah yes. And even if we eventually discover that all of the survivors had microscopic iron shrapnel enter their brains from the airplane, turning them into homing pigeons with instinctual magnetic compasses, that's bull, because of the magnetic anomaly. Also, I'm pretty sure that would kill them.

BURNING QUESTION NUMBER 3b. Why are there no beaten paths?

Now this is really annoying: they keep walking all over there, 40 people, for more than a month, and the place isn't all trodden down already? Humph. I smell an inconsistency here.
That's all my Burning Questions for now. But more will soon surface. Fear not.

EDIT: I thought of one more burning question.

BURNING QUESTION NUMBER 4. What's with Jin and English?

Here's the thing. Whenever somebody wants to talk to Jin, they're like, "Hey, dude, I'm gonna talk English to you all up in here. Even though you don't speak English. Yeah." And he, inevitably, is all "WHAAA?", only in Korean. So what do they do? They say the exact same thing they said before, only LOUDER. Because it's not like there's a language barrier--not that at all. He's just...deaf.

Seriously. If you're trying to communicate through a language barrier and you're misunderstood, you don't repeat yourself louder. You change your wording and simplify it. You don't shout at your conversation-mate because he's deaf.

Long live LOST!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Well, This Is Embarrassing...

I should preface this by saying that I have accepted the fact that this blog will forever languish in pathetic obscurity.

Also, this summer I'm going to try to turn over a new leaf. I've been told that I'm too wordy, too ostentatious with my verbiage, so I'm going to try to scale back--try to be more direct. We'll see how that works out.

The "embarassing" from the title of this post is referring to how last night right before I went to sleep I had a grand idea for a blogpost today--I even thought up a catchy title for the post, which I have now forgotten--and this morning when I woke up I had no idea what the idea was. Can't even remember the title. Blasted sleep, taking away my great ideas!

Anyway, I was going to hang my head in shame and totally not post at all today, but then I read Facebook and somebody had posted a hilarious article which I decided to share with my readership. And then I realized that I really need to promote Hyperbole And A Half too, so...yeah.

Here's the Hilarious Article. I like the part where he says "A little paranoia in the face of danger can save your butt!" Right, and a little paranoia in the face of danger can also lead you to make bad decisions and possibly imperil your butt. In fact, I'd be willing to guess that your butt's safety when danger is occurring is decreased when you're paranoid.

In a marginally related story, why are paranoid people seldom cowards? Most paranoid people I know--the conspiracy theorists, etc. (and I know far too many)--aren't going to run away from the impending tidal wave of doom and horror which will shortly overtake, overrun, and overwhelm all in its path. All of the paranoid people I know have a foolproof plan for taking back--whatever is being overrun, be it America's Political System or The Local Gun Club or McDonald's or Your Mom. They're all willing to stand up to the Man, or at least they say that they are.

Perhaps that's the point. They say that they're willing to stand up to the Man, but they never get a chance because they're paranoid and their unfounded fears come to naught.


In more happy news, I have recently become addicted to Hyperbole And A Half, a hilarious blog maintained by Allie Brosh. It's really good. And funny. At the risk of being shot for plagiarism, here's a sample of her work:

"Jealousy is an issue that creeps up inside many solid relationships and renders them useless, much like a discarded cow carcass. Probably the best way to combat jealousy is with macaroni art."

Here's the url.

I think I'm going to go do some work now.'s summer. Glory and joy.

Long live skulking!