Thursday, June 25, 2009

Das Blog Returns Briefly, and Transformers

Holy W-2s, Batman! I haven't blogged in more than TWO WEEKS!

Stop laughing, BlogEater.

Oh, you guys haven't heard about the BlogEater?

Well, here's your chance to hear about him. Her. It. Whatever.

The BlogEater is a shark-sized reptilian creature with glowing ochre eyes, three feathery wings, a long, broad tongue, a Boston accent, a very annoying sarcastic bent, and a disgusting affinity for failed blogs. It's a well-known fact that blogs, in this day and age, are quite--some would say too--easy to start up. It's equally well-known that 99.9% of all blogs die a natural death less than three weeks after they are begun. Now, of course, these failed, dead, decaying blogs have to go somewhere, and burying them under a mountain in Nevada is not going to work. So some scientists somewhere genetically created the creature now known as the BlogEater to deal with the dead blog problem.

It's worked out pretty well so far, but the BlogEater has grown rather aggressive, and has even helped kill some nearly-but-not-quite-dead blogs. While this is technically okay, there is some concern that eventually the BlogEater will begin attacking young, promising blogs. Supporters of the BlogEater point to the extreme statistical improbability of such an occurrence, but the question remains: could we lose the Next Great Blog to this monstrosity we've created?

So...that's the BlogEater. He/she/it was laughing at me a while ago, and I had to shut him/her/it up. He/she/it won't get the Uninformed Opinion!

For the record, I was not being PC there...I really can't tell the thing's gender. Ick.

So Das Blog has returned. Deal, peeps.

Also, I went to the midnight premiere of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and it was...interesting. I saw it on a Large Screen, the kind that's an IMAX wannabe, but I was way down in the front, and way to the right of the screen. (In a related and creepily coincidental story, I saw The Dark Knight on a Large Screen, and my seats were almost exactly the same. Different cinema, but same position relative to the screen.) We really should have gotten there earlier. Oh well.

The movie was...hmmm. I was caught up in it, which I suppose was what they were trying for, but the movie did drag a bit. I loved the effects, and Bay pulled out all the stops with this one, constructing world-record-size gasoline bombs for some of the explosions.

By the way, what is it with Michael Bay and explosions? I mean, okay, everyone knows how much he loves them...but explosions? Why, Mr. Bay? It's just...weird, and it's creepy. But what do I know? I'm not a critic.

Anyhoo, I thought the funny parts were pretty funny, but the whole thing seemed somewhat episodic. I didn't get a continuity throughout the whole thing; I mean, Good Griffin! The climactic event (trying really hard to not be a spoiler here) was pretty freakin' awesome, but the plotline which led to the climactic event wasn't really elucidated until about 90 minutes in, or maybe less. I mean, there were things which foreshadowed the plotline from the beginning (including The Fallen in the title) but it wasn't a straightforward slow-reveal setup.

That's the only conclusion I can reach: Bay was aiming for the slow-reveal. But Bay should NOT do slow-reveal stuff. He's not that kind of guy; his movies should just lay out the plot premise in the first five minutes and then turn up the action, noise, and explosions the rest of the way.

I don't know...I enjoyed the experience, and I'll probably rent the DVD eventually. It's grander in scale than Transformers, but ultimately that hamstrings it, because the story is not grander in scale. Or if it is, it's in fragments. The film has potential, but I don't think it measures up to Transformers. I give it a 6.5 out of 10.

That is all. And this may be the last blog for a while, but hang in there, you my imaginary readership!

Shut up, BlogEater.

Long live revivals!

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