Friday, March 26, 2010

Then I Opened The Third Seal, And I Saw...

Okay, so some BAD, BAD news coming out of Hollywood this weekend.

At least, I think it's bad.

I've been told that I'm elitist. What do you think, imaginary audience?

Anyway, here are some links. I'll go from best to worst.

First off, this from Bryan Singer, director of the first two X-Men movies: he also directed the excellent The Usual Suspects and, more recently, Valkyrie. He's a good director, I think; he's just made some bad decisions recently. Singer also helmed Superman Returns. This is bad, because I think the X-Men franchise should go away. The last two films (X3 and Origins) have been more focused on CGI rather than character or story--though I don't think it's a coincidence that the better X-Men movies were made while Singer was in charge, and the franchise started failing when he left. The bottom line is that if Bryan Singer is going to make this work, he's going to have to put his foot down and get this franchise back to what made it great.

Think that's the worst I can throw at you, imaginary readership? You're wrong. It gets worse.

I'm no Harryhausen fanatic, but the man was a master, and apparently his work on the 1981 Clash of the Titans was pretty flippin' sweet. After Alice in Wonderland, I'm really soured on films whose sole draw is their visuals, so I'm going to be extra-critical of the 2010 remake of Clash.
You want my real, uninformed opinion? It looks like Transformers (more later on that wonderful franchise) but with animals instead of robots.

And now we discover that Louis Leterrier is planning a Clash trilogy. Woo hoo. Because what movie audiences everywhere need is biodegradable Transformers. Right.

Now, Leterrier has done some halfway-decent work. His first film, Unleashed, got moderately good reviews. His second film, Transporter 2, is my personal favorite of the franchise, and got mixed reviews. His most recent project (I can still say that because Clash isn't out yet) was 2008's The Incredible Hulk, which was overshadowed by The Dark Knight but was an excellent little superhero flick. So maybe we'll give Leterrier the benefit of the doubt on this one.

Here's the worst news. It's from Michael Bay's official website, and here's the link if you're not convinced. I'll let it speak for itself:

Transformers 3 has been going very well. We are going to shoot in LA, Chicago, Washington DC, Florida, Texas, Africa, Moscow, and China. On the talent front, we just locked in Frances McDormand and John Malkovich. Both amazing actors I've always wanted to work with. We also just got Ken Jeong, he is the super funny actor stuck in the trunk from “Hangover” and the Doctor from “Knocked Up.”

We start shooting pre-shoots in about one month.

I also was at a Ferrari charity event this week raising money for a hospital being built by Ferrari in Haiti. I announced that night the newest Autobot to join Transformers: the Ferrari 458 Italia.

I also want to thank everyone on this site that donated to the Make -A-Wish charity. We raised $20,000 which I will personally be matching. This is a great charity where they make wishes come true for kids who are very ill. We have had many Kids from Make-A-Wish visit us on our Transformers sets and this time we will be posting video of their visits on Transformers 3.

Michael Bay

...

OMG!!!!!!!! A FERRARI AUTOBOT?!??!?!?!?! LOLZORS HOW C00L IS THAT?!?!??!?!!!????!?!!?!?!?
Kidding, of course. What, will the Ferrari have an Italian accent ("Well, hello-a there, Autobots! Whaddya all sittin' around, lookin' glum for, ah? Would-a you like some of my fresh pizza to cheer you up, ah?")? Bah. I believe AnonymousInternetUser3304 said it best: 

"go die in a hole michael bay"

That's it for me. Long live the stupid people that make the smart ones look so, so much smarter!


4 comments:

riverofmusic10 said...

You say that people don't need "biodegradable robots." In your opinion, what do they need then? Can you think of something better?

Ian the Pontificator said...

We don't need more Transformers, biodegradable or otherwise. Michael Bay has that covered.

What we need is tight storytelling, fine acting, thematic unity, brilliant directing...effects-fests that pander to 15-year-old males, not so much.

riverofmusic10 said...

And yet it is smart to pander to the young because they have discretionary money that, because of the economy, not everyone has anymore.

Ian the Pontificator said...

So filmmakers should sell out? They should only focus on what makes money, and forget about creating great art?

Think about Stanley Kubrick. He made some great movies in his time--but he was never jawdroppingly successful at the box office. Are his entries into the canon not worthwhile--not valid--because of the iffy box-office some of those entries recieved?

Is the bottom dollar, in fact, the only benchmark of greatness any more?

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