You Know You're Out of Things to Blog About When...

...you start making top ten lists.

So, 'tis now 2009, apparently (nobody ever tells me anything, so I'm just guessing on this point.) And that means that it's a new year (I figured that out all by myself! Aren't you proud?) Now, new years tend to evoke feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, which is good, because as fallen human beings we need to have low opinions of ourselves. These feelings I referenced often prompt New Year's Resolutions, which involve feeble and laughable attempts at self-help. In the spirit, therefore, of New Year's Resolutions, I proudly present the inaugural "Top Ten Things I'm Too Lazy To Resolve To Change, But Which Other People Definitely Should Resolve To Change." One might abbreviate it the TTTITLTRTCBWOPDSRTC. If that's too long for you, you are stupid and should go away now.

There. Having slyly eliminated the stupid people from the room--what? Oh, crap, I'm being told that I just eliminated everybody. Well, the show must go on. Here, then, is my TTTITLTRTCBWOPDSRTC. And yes, I did just copy/paste that.
10. The status of nearly-extinct and endangered animals. They need to be declared free game. If one subscribes to the philosophy that only the fittest survive, commonly called "Survival of the Fittest", and one also has one's eyes open to the extent that one realizes that the human race is currently the fittest race on the planet, then one must obviously subscribe to the view that the Whales Must Die. Because they're not as fit as us. And if we need them, we can kill them. Cause we're fitter than those things.
9. Inconsistency. It needs to go away, for good. This makes me so angry. Nobody picks a position and then holds it any more. There's all this wishy-washy compromise stuff floating around out there. It must stop.
8. Macs. They need to go away for good. Or at least come down off their high horse and become fully compatible. It's called a VGA connection, Apple. Please.
7. Stupidity. It too needs to go away for good. There is no room for stupidity or stupid people. Look at the economy: run stupidly by a stupid man (Hank Paulson, not Dubya. I actually kinda admire Dubya.)
6. Horror Movie Directors. They need to stop being so scared of an R rating, and they need to realize that blood does not equal terror . I have a generally low view of horror movies in general (I believe good horror flicks are very few and far between), and every PG-13 "horror" movie that comes out is a disgrace to an already disgraced genre. Directors who want to make good horror need to realize that horror needs scary parts, and they also need to get past their fixation with gore. Torture is all very well, but audiences are becoming very sated with knives and death machines. Jump scenes, suspense, and subtle violence are much more terrifyiing, and much harder to pull off.

Well, this is taking far too long, and I want to go watch Righteous Kill, with Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. It should be good. Look for more of my TTTITLTRTCBWOPDSRTC later this evening.

Long live cliffhangers!

And...Here...We...Go!

Heh, little Joker quote there. So I decided to begin writing a blog, because I can, and most likely I'll lose interest in a few weeks. If that happens, Oh Well, is my opinion. I am bored, therefore I blog. That works.
I want to tell everyone that the film Pinata: Survivor Island is a crappy movie, and one which should be seen by everyone who has any ounce of artistic and cinematic sensibility. While this seems like an oxymoron, it's not. I swear it's not. There are some movies that are so bad they're good, and Pinata: Survivor Island is one of these. The basic plot is as follows:
1. Magic clay pinata is made to house an evil spirit, or something like that.
2. Stereotypically drunk and stoned college students arrive on an island where the evil pinata was tornadoed to.
3. One particularly annoying, drunk, stoned, blonde student finds said evil pinata and wakes it up somehow.
4. Said pinata rampages about the island killing said stereotypical students.
5. Somehow, while the rampage is going on, the stereotypical students find time to over-act and demonstrate the fundamental weakness of the script. Also, they deliver some absolutely horrible one-liners.
6. Eventually, some of the stereotypical students survive. This is because the creators of this film obviously had no guts. They had to let someone survive. This weakness is a common one for wimpy creators of horror movies: they let someone live, and they establish how to kill, maim, disfigure, or otherwise incapacitate the antagonist. In my humble and uninformed opinion, this is stupid. The most horrifying films, in my experience, are the ones where everybody dies and the antagonist escapes, as omnipotent and frightening as ever. Of course, it takes real guts to do this, because people like the semi-happy ending. Such bravery is seldom to be found in directors or writers of horror films, which is a very great pity.
So that's my uninformed opinion. Watch Pinata: Survivor Island, please, to see what terrible film-making really is. Here's the imdb.com link...http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0201844/...and rottentomatoes didn't give it a rating. It's crap, I tell you!

Now I realize that this hasn't exactly been the prototypical introductory entry to a blog, but I'll do what I want. So let me close with a recommendation for a good film: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. The film is unique in several different ways: it's a musical, it's only 40 minutes long, it was written during the Writer's Strike, and it was originally released online. Oh, and it stars Neil Patrick Harris, and he's singing. Despite these unorthodox aspects, the film is very definitely worthwhile, and it's available on youtube! So please, if you have any ounce of respect for my movie opinions...wait, no. That's a bad argument. Let me restart that one.
So please, if you have any ounce of respect for...hmmm...Joss Whedon, the director, you'll watch this movie.

This is Ian the Pontificator, signing out.