Your cell phone rings: it's a husky voice claiming to have kidnapped your brother. Naturally, you ask some questions, like Who is this? and Where is he? and What do you want? and I have a brother? and Why is your voice all husky? The voice, even huskier, tells you that it belongs to a shadowy corporation with ties to the government. Naturally (again), more questions leap to mind, like What government? and What sorts of ties--like, silk ties? However, instead of asking more questions, you keep quiet like the sissy you are. The voice continues to spin some yarn about people showing up at your house to kill you, but you don't pay any attention. Instead, you take your guns off the wall and out of the cabinet and all the other places you keep your guns, and...well, there was a news report on this. So watch this video.
Long live The Onion!