Saturday, January 10, 2009

You Know You're Out of Things to Blog About When...(Part the Second) finish the top ten list from the day before.

So. With no further ado (and yes, I realize that I hadn't created too much ado to begin with, but who cares), here is the Top Five TITLTRTCBWOPDSRTC. Or, one might call it the TFTITLTRTCBWOPDSRTC. And if you want to know what those letters stand for, read my last post.

5. The laws regarding Internet crime. This one, I regret to say, is just a pet peeve of mine, and rationally, the punishment I recommend does not fit the crime. What punishment does Ian the Pontificator recommend, you ask? Death, is my answer. Whether it be piracy, spamming, or phishing, the perpetrators are all reprehensible and hard enough for law enforcement to catch that the enforcers should get some kind of reward for all their hard labor.
4. Snowdrifts. They're more of a menace than bears, which are quite a menace in and of themselves, as Mr. Stephen Colbert has pointed out. The thing is, bears are kinda rare, but snowdrifts are everywhere. And that was not intended to rhyme, but it did. Here's the thing: snowdrifts are as dangerous as bears, but they can form anywhere, and they are very annoying, which one can not say about bears. Bears are kinda cute.
3. Ads on TV. For the most part, they're terrible from a technical point of view. I could produce a better ad in my sleep than half the ones currently showing. They drive me crazy: abysmal layout, horrific audio, and grainy video. There should be some sort of Rules.
2. The BCS. No, don't implement a playoff system. Just put the University of Florida and some other team, maybe an undefeated one--I don't really care--and change the rules so UF can't be penalized. Should be a good game every year, and I foresee a dynasty arising.
1. Election of public officials. People always get mad because of the "wrong person" being elected. So here's what we do: take a whole bunch of eligible people out into the wilderness somewhere and provide them with one match. No knives, no food, no clothing. The last one left alive after a year is obviously equipped with unique problem-solving skills, relational abilities, and resourcefulness--obviously fit to be the next president, or governor, or senator, or coroner, or waste-water deputy inspector.

So there ya have it. Take it for what it's worth.

Long live Pontification on important details!

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